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Married Life

A man who muttered a few words in 
the church, found himself married. 

A year later, he muttered something 
in his sleep and found himself divorced!

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!)

They say that when a man holds 
a woman's hand before marriage, 
it is love; 

after marriage: it is self-defence.

A husband expects his wife to be perfect... 
and to understand why he's not.

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

A husband said to his wife, 
"No, I don't hate your relatives. 

In fact, I like your mother-in-law 
better than I like mine."

A woman was telling her friend, 
"It is I who made my husband a millionaire." 

The friend asked, 
"And what was he before you married him?" 

The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."

Before marriage, a man "yearns" for 
the woman he loves. 

After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

I recently read that love is entirely 
a matter of chemistry. 
That must be, why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury

Love the neighbor, 
but make sure, her husband is away first.

Man: Rules the roost. 

Woman: Rules the rooster.

Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.

The only thing that holds a marriage 
together is the husband being big enough 
to keep his mouth shut, 
to step back and 
see where his wife is wrong.

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