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Married Life

Ever since we got married, 
my wife has tried to change me. 
She got me to stop drinking, smoking 
and running around until all hours of the night.

Now that I’m so improved, 
she just isn’t good enough for me

Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, 
Intelligent wife, caring wife, 
loving wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, 

but it’s sad that law allows only one wife.

Husband: I want to go somewhere 
on holiday this year, 
I’ve never been before. 

Wife: Well, how about the kitchen?

The bride, on her engagement, 
went to her mother and said, 
“I’ve found a man just like father!” 

Her mother replied, 
“So what do you want from me, sympathy?”

In my house I'm the boss. 

My wife is just the decision maker.

Never try to impress a woman, 
because if you do, she'll expect 
you to keep up the standard,
for the rest of your life.

My wife is a light eater ... 
as soon as it's light, 
she starts to eat.

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.

You enter into a certain amount 
of madness when you marry 
a person with pets.

I love being married. 

It's so great to find that 
one special person you want 
to annoy for the rest of your life.

I think men who have a pierced ear 
are better prepared for marriage. 

They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

We sleep in separate rooms, 
we have dinner apart, 
we take separate vacations - 
we're doing everything we can,
to keep our marriage together.

Marriage is like make a fool of yourself, 

don't believe that this condition is permanent.

Men are stupid and women are crazy. 
And the reason women are crazy,
is because men are so stupid.

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