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Funny Jokes

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

A man tells his doctor, Help me. I'm addicted to Twitter.

The Doc replies: Sorry, I don't follow You.

What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?

"A CHEW CHEW TRAIN"

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?"


Because every play has a cast.

My wife told me she needs more space.

I said no problem and locked her out of the house.

Q: What do you call the security guards who work at the Samsung store? 
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? 
A: Because he had no-body to go with.

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up* 
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?" 
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Height of Addiction: Just before a prisoner was ready to be hanged to death the officer asked him about his last wish..!! 
He said- I want to update My Orkut status as DIED ..!!

Wife: Hey Hunny!Lets go for a long drive and I'll drive the car.

Husband: Yes Sure, But we can go and return back on headlines of a newspaper.

Could you fax me your 
photo very very urgently ?

Mind you - it's really very very urgent,
damn serious and very important....

I'm playing cards and
we've misplaced the JOKER.

This Funny fact always happens with me:
Study for one Hour-
No One sees.!
.
.
But pick up mobile just for a second,
& Mom/Dad enters the room! ;)

Beautiful flowers die….
Nice stories end……
Lovely songs fade…….. ..
Memories are forgotten… ..
All things come to end…..
But people like YOU always remain forever
.
.
.
.
BECAUSE GHOSTS NEVER DIE.

From Moon to Sun,
 From Jan To Dec,
From birth till my death,
my feelings for you have never changed.
For me, you’ve always been
……….a headache!

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