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Husband n Wife

At late night wife's mobile beeps. Husband checks her mobile and gets angry.
He wakes his wife.
Husband (angrily): who is this person saying beautiful???
Surprised wife checks her mobile.
Wife (double angrily): heyyy... use your spectacles. It is not beautiful. It is battery full.

A small reminder to all wives ! 
Don't be too excited about this New Year stuff. 
Only the Calendar has changed.
The Husband and House work remain the same.

Every wife is like "terms and conditions" of a website. The husbands never understand or read what she says but they always accept.

Truth of Life:
Husband makes a mistake, wife shouts & husband says sorry.
Wife makes a mistake, husband shouts & wife cries; & husband again says sorry.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."  Next day he received hundred letters.  They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

What's the difference between Complete & Finished?
If you find good wife you are complete, otherwise you are finished.

A man returns home and finds his wife with his best friend.  He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death.  His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."

Wife to Husband: Did u had any Girl Friend before marriage ?
Husband remains silent..
Wife: what is the meaning of silence?
Husband: Wait.. let me count...

A man was watching a movie at home
and suddenly shouts nooooooooooo!!

Don't go inside the church it's a trap!!

Wife: What are you watching?

Man: Our wedding DVD

Wife to Doctor: Doctor, I think my husband has a fearful disease. I talk to him for hours and he doesn't hear a word I say.
Doctor: That’s not a disease, it's a gift!

Woman: Last night I dreamt of you buying me a diamond necklace.

Man: Tonight, go to sleep and enjoy wearing it.

A husband once complained:
Dear Google,
Please stop behaving like my wife…
Will you please allow me to complete 
the whole sentence first…?

Man at medical store: I need poison
Chemist: I can’t sell you that.

Man shows his marriage certificate
.
.
Chemist: Oh! sorry,
I didn't know you had a prescription.

Every married man has to bear two kinds of expenses:
If the wife is fair complexioned, it's on Sun Screen Lotion;
And if she is dark-complexioned, it's on "Fair & Lovely" Cream!

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